Oh Mario, what is wrong with you?

I'm sure you've all seen the adverts for that new game where Mario and Sonic are in the Olympics. And I'm sure you've heard of Mario's football game, baseball game, racing games, dancing games, and games where you have to run around and jump on things and fight people. Fair enough to say, Mario has had his fair share of sports in his never-aging time. Also he his constantly on a diet of Mushrooms and stars, so Mario is pretty healthy.
So why, then, has Mario got a bulge in his stomach?

Im sure you can all see it. That little circle protruding out between his legs. Why, Nintendo, why?

I got in touch with Dr. Fungustein, Mario's official health consultant.

"Mario," The doctor commented, "Has a rare condition. It's called"being fictional". For some reason, the instant you become fictional, the artists/writers NEVER change you. For example, look at the simpsons. They wear the same clothes EVERY DAY! And Yoshi. Having been to all these exotic locations such as Isle Delfino, surely that green would have been tanned turquoise by now? Fictional characters are, unfortunately, never going to change. That's why Nintendo have to keep Mario doing all of these sports. So that being pudgy dosen't go to his head. It's for his self-esteem. Mario has regualrly turned to drink and drugs after a depression crisis about his complexion. If it happens again, we could be seing the last of Mario."

So, is Mario destined to stay the same forever? He has changed slightly in different games.

"That's the thing." Fungustein admitted, "It's a very rare condition in the fact that it can change irregularly at random times, depending on the writers' moods. Unless Nintendo do something, Mario will never feel good about himself."

So therefore, Mario's health is completely in the hands of Nintendo! Well this reporter is going straight to Nintendo to complain!!! I shall forward you the reply I get.

~E.G~